[livejournal.com profile] hc_bingo fic: archaic medical treatment

Jun. 28th, 2012 02:29 pm
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First post of the new bingo!


Title: Simple Solutions
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: none
Prompt: Archaic Medical Treatment
Rating: PG-13 for language
Word Count: 552
Summary: Hakkai has his own special way of making people better, whether they want to be or not.


A/N: Written for [livejournal.com profile] hc_bingo. Masterpost with my game card is here.



“OW! FUCK!”

“Now, Gojyo, please control yourself. If you keep yelling like that, I don’t think a broken bone will be the worst of your problems.”

“Got that damn straight. Useless cockroach.”

“Come over here and say that, you pissy mon- AUGH!”

“What did I say?”

“Why don’t you go torture Sanzo-sama for a while?”

“Whining doesn’t solve anything, but since you asked, the answer is that Sanzo is smart enough to stay out of the way of youkai with large sticks. That’s why.”

“Look at that. Using your big head for once might actually help.”

“Fuckin’ monk. Pretty sure you’d need a dick to know.”

“Wow, guys, did you know this inn had a buffet? ...Hey, Sanzo, why’s your eye twitching like that?”

“Goku, why don’t you go back downstairs and get some for all of us? And Sanzo, please don’t shoot anyone in the room. They already have the credit card information.”

“Why’d you almost let him shoot me, then?”

“Well, I did warn you. Now if you’ll hold still...”

“OW! Owowowow!! Hakkai, that arm’s still attached!”

“As I’m well aware, thank you. Hand me the knife, please.”

“What? No! What’s that for?”

“What are knives usually for?”

“WHAT?!”

“...To cut the bandage, Gojyo. Unless you’d like to eat through it with your teeth.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Are you really sure I can’t shoot him? Pretty sure that’d count as a necessary medical procedure.”

“Necessary for what?”

“For my mental health, and the good of the breeding population.”

“Come over here and say that!”

“Ahaha. Perhaps I should reconsider.”

“Hakkai!”

“Well, it would certainly be quieter.”

“Hey, guys! Look at this! The buffet has all-you-can-eat meat buns!”

“I don’t think they meant you, monkey.”

“Shut up, cockroach!”

“Make me, ape-for-brains!”

BANG!

“SHIT! You almost hit me that time!”

“I’ll have to work on my aim.”

“Fuckin’ yeah you do.”

“I missed.”

“HEY!”

“Ha! You tell him- OW! Sanzooooo. What was that for?”

“I’m not wasting bullets when you’re sucking up my air supply.”

“At least the stupid monkey.... Hey, where’d the meat buns go?”

“Ah, I do believe Goku ate the last of them while you and Sanzo were playing.”

“Hakkai...”

“Whoa, Sanzo, your eye’s REALLY twitching now.”

“Your arm’s done, Gojyo. Perhaps you and Goku should go back downstairs and get more food for all of us?”

“It’s done? You sure? It still hurts.”

“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.”

“And I’m going to kill him soon if he doesn’t get out of my sight.”

“Ahaha, exactly.”

“But, Hakkai-”

BANG! BANGBANGBANG!

“FUCK! Shitty monk!”

“Well, I did warn you, Gojyo. Although I have heard that bloodletting is supposedly a good-”

“Shit, don’t go giving him ideas. Let’s go, monkey.”

“Why do I have to go with you? I was already down there!”

“And ate all the food.”

“You’re half dead, so I had to eat yours or it’d go to waste!”

“You’ll be half dead if you don’t shut up!”

“No more bullet holes in the walls, Sanzo, please.”

“How about bullet holes in them?”

“Well, I have been wanting to try out the surgery course I took by correspondence. Supposedly hot irons can be used to cauterize wounds after extracting foreign objects-”

“Okay, we’re going!”

“...That worked rather well.”

“You’re a scary bastard, Hakkai.”

“Ahaha. You’re too kind.”

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