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envious_musesTitle: You'll See, Boys
Fandom: DBSK
Pairing: vaguely JaeChun but secretly OT5
Prompt: Septicemia/Infected Wounds
Rating: PG
Word Count: 748
Summary: Not all wounds are physical ones. That doesn’t mean they can’t still fester and rot and make your arm fall off. Yoochun really likes his arms. Luckily, he has Jaejoong to keep an eye on him.
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here.
Yoochun knows all about not being good enough. It’s like a splinter that gets under your skin and it doesn’t bother you right away until you notice it and pick at it and next thing you know, your arm falls off. Maybe that metaphor got away from him. But he knows the whole routine well enough that whenever management starts in on everything-
smile more, talk more, be smoother, be more like what your image is supposed to be, be more forward, you’re the playboy, be more athletic, what kind of idol has asthma, be better
-he’s mostly able to ignore it. Or, not ignore it, precisely, because he does want them all to be successful, but not take it quite so much to heart as he could. And if it bothers him enough to want to quit or scream or bash his head against a wall until they stop talking at him, well, he can’t. He can’t walk away because what would the others do then?
He thinks that’s why he started drinking as much as he does. Not because he’s ever been a particularly heavy drinker. Hell, he wasn’t even old enough to drink back in Virginia. Technically he’s not old enough to drink in Korea now. But neither is Jaejoong and Jaejoong does it anyway, and Junsu doesn’t drink at all, Yunho doesn’t drink enough, and Changmin is younger than them so Yoochun would feel even worse letting him get in trouble for something he just doesn’t mind doing. So Yoochun drinks too much and smokes too much and gets yelled at for having asthma attacks in rehearsals, but it’s okay, because Jaejoong talks to him more than he does to anyone except maybe Yunho and... that’s good. Because when Jaejoong’s talking to him, about anything at all, all he can hear is-
we’re rising gods, Yoochun, we’re going to be better than this some day, world famous, even back in America, and people will recognize us everywhere we go and they’ll love us and we’ll be so rich we’ll never have to think about money ever again
-the good things, the reasons they’re doing all this and taking everything management throws at them. Which is a lot. Rehearsals and appearances and fittings and recording and more rehearsals and radio shows and maybe, if they’re really lucky, food and a quick shower and a couple hours of sleep.
And whenever those couple hours of sleep are disrupted by nightmares of what if and-
be this, don’t be that, be perfect
-he wakes up next to Jaejoong, who tells him-
go back to sleep, don’t worry, I’m right here
-it’ll all be okay, he actually believes him. The things management say bounce off a little bit easier, and the ways they’ve hurt all of them heal a little faster. Like cleaning out a wound. So his arm just aches a little and gets better instead of falling off.
He’s not quite sure when he starts to notice that it’s not just him. They all have splinters, hundreds of them. Until Jaejoong comes along and-
it’s okay, we’re okay, we’re better than okay, you’ll see, I made your favorite, I’ll cover for you
let’s sing
-it’s like he knows exactly what he’s looking for and how to dig them out, because he sits with Changmin while he struggles with a new language or a difficult college class, and he distracts management while Junsu gets five more minutes on the phone with his brother, and he teases Yunho until they’re all laughing too hard to remember what the problem was anyway.
The more Yoochun thinks about it, the more he thinks maybe that’s how Jaejoong deals with his own splinters. He’s spent more than enough overly long nights talking to Jaejoong about anything and everything, after all. He knows how Jaejoong thinks, as much as anyone can. Jaejoong is harder on himself than management could ever be, but maybe as long as he’s good enough for them, he’s good enough for himself, too.
So maybe it’s a mutual thing. Yoochun can deal with that, and he gets to keep his arms. Maybe he’ll even share that metaphor with Jaejoong sometime.
And maybe right now, he’ll try to stop thinking so much, cuddling Jaejoong like the giant teddy bear Yoochun has just decided he secretly is. He’ll even smile when Jaejoong frowns in his sleep before cuddling back.
Don’t worry. I’m right here. We’re better than okay. You’ll see.
Fandom: DBSK
Pairing: vaguely JaeChun but secretly OT5
Prompt: Septicemia/Infected Wounds
Rating: PG
Word Count: 748
Summary: Not all wounds are physical ones. That doesn’t mean they can’t still fester and rot and make your arm fall off. Yoochun really likes his arms. Luckily, he has Jaejoong to keep an eye on him.
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for
hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here. Yoochun knows all about not being good enough. It’s like a splinter that gets under your skin and it doesn’t bother you right away until you notice it and pick at it and next thing you know, your arm falls off. Maybe that metaphor got away from him. But he knows the whole routine well enough that whenever management starts in on everything-
smile more, talk more, be smoother, be more like what your image is supposed to be, be more forward, you’re the playboy, be more athletic, what kind of idol has asthma, be better
-he’s mostly able to ignore it. Or, not ignore it, precisely, because he does want them all to be successful, but not take it quite so much to heart as he could. And if it bothers him enough to want to quit or scream or bash his head against a wall until they stop talking at him, well, he can’t. He can’t walk away because what would the others do then?
He thinks that’s why he started drinking as much as he does. Not because he’s ever been a particularly heavy drinker. Hell, he wasn’t even old enough to drink back in Virginia. Technically he’s not old enough to drink in Korea now. But neither is Jaejoong and Jaejoong does it anyway, and Junsu doesn’t drink at all, Yunho doesn’t drink enough, and Changmin is younger than them so Yoochun would feel even worse letting him get in trouble for something he just doesn’t mind doing. So Yoochun drinks too much and smokes too much and gets yelled at for having asthma attacks in rehearsals, but it’s okay, because Jaejoong talks to him more than he does to anyone except maybe Yunho and... that’s good. Because when Jaejoong’s talking to him, about anything at all, all he can hear is-
we’re rising gods, Yoochun, we’re going to be better than this some day, world famous, even back in America, and people will recognize us everywhere we go and they’ll love us and we’ll be so rich we’ll never have to think about money ever again
-the good things, the reasons they’re doing all this and taking everything management throws at them. Which is a lot. Rehearsals and appearances and fittings and recording and more rehearsals and radio shows and maybe, if they’re really lucky, food and a quick shower and a couple hours of sleep.
And whenever those couple hours of sleep are disrupted by nightmares of what if and-
be this, don’t be that, be perfect
-he wakes up next to Jaejoong, who tells him-
go back to sleep, don’t worry, I’m right here
-it’ll all be okay, he actually believes him. The things management say bounce off a little bit easier, and the ways they’ve hurt all of them heal a little faster. Like cleaning out a wound. So his arm just aches a little and gets better instead of falling off.
He’s not quite sure when he starts to notice that it’s not just him. They all have splinters, hundreds of them. Until Jaejoong comes along and-
it’s okay, we’re okay, we’re better than okay, you’ll see, I made your favorite, I’ll cover for you
let’s sing
-it’s like he knows exactly what he’s looking for and how to dig them out, because he sits with Changmin while he struggles with a new language or a difficult college class, and he distracts management while Junsu gets five more minutes on the phone with his brother, and he teases Yunho until they’re all laughing too hard to remember what the problem was anyway.
The more Yoochun thinks about it, the more he thinks maybe that’s how Jaejoong deals with his own splinters. He’s spent more than enough overly long nights talking to Jaejoong about anything and everything, after all. He knows how Jaejoong thinks, as much as anyone can. Jaejoong is harder on himself than management could ever be, but maybe as long as he’s good enough for them, he’s good enough for himself, too.
So maybe it’s a mutual thing. Yoochun can deal with that, and he gets to keep his arms. Maybe he’ll even share that metaphor with Jaejoong sometime.
And maybe right now, he’ll try to stop thinking so much, cuddling Jaejoong like the giant teddy bear Yoochun has just decided he secretly is. He’ll even smile when Jaejoong frowns in his sleep before cuddling back.
Don’t worry. I’m right here. We’re better than okay. You’ll see.
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(no subject)
Date: 2012-01-20 02:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-10 01:07 am (UTC)Nine months too late, but thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad my fic made your early morning a bit sappier. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-10 12:53 am (UTC)Aww, I think it is evident that this actually is one of the reasons that prompted the three to file a lawsuit. You can see these days that they aren't that uptight with following a specific image anymore.
I love how you always describe Jaejoong as someone who knows what everyone else needs. He does strike me as that type of person. The Jaejoong-biased part in me is melting. <3
I don't know how Jaejoong will take to being likened to a giant teddy bear. XD
I feel like I'm running out of words to describe the awesomeness of your fics, hahaha. It's really been ages for me since I read fics with hints of OT5, and your fics and the warmth they radiate reminded me why I read them in the first place.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-10 01:19 am (UTC)Jaejoong has always kind of struck me as a person that needs people. I might have mentioned that elsewhere today. XD But he does. Kind of like how when he's on stage, he just sort of glows, because aaaaaaaaall those people are there to see him. I've seen him twice in concert now, once as Tohoshinki and once as JYJ, and the difference between him on stage and him in interviews or television or whatever is so huge. Totally different person. (But he totally is secretly a giant teddy bear. Just saying. XD)
D'awwwwwwwwww, I'm having warm fuzzies now. Please don't think I expect huge, long comments on every fic or anything. Even a 'hey, this was cool!' is love, but I won't lie and say your long comments today haven't made my day. XD It's been fun, getting them on some of these older fics that I've just been lazy about posting to the fic comm. I write them because I enjoy seeing the stories come together how I want, but I love knowing that other people can enjoy them, too.